You know, George Michael, maybe people wouldn’t give your heart away the day after Christmas every single year if you would just consider actually buying “someone special” a damn present instead of going with the ol’ cheapskate standby “I’m giving you my heart.”

I know you have similar plans to give your heart away this year, to save yourself from tears, but I’m telling you, just like I told you last year, it’s just a bad gift idea all around.  I am willing to bet 10 bucks that you’ll be back on the radio next year, crying about how someone gave your cheap-ass heart away the day after Christmas.  You’ll probably also be making plans to try it again, with “someone special.”

I think it’s time you faced the facts, George Michael (and to a lesser extent Andrew Ridgeley).  Giving your heart away as a Christmas gift is just a really stupid idea.  It’s not them, George, it’s you.  You know what?  Just take the 10 bucks. Buy a box of candy.  I don’t care.  If you have to give someone your heart, at least line it in velvet and throw a few caramel chocolate chews in there, for fuck’s sake.

(source: hortenseg)